What is funny is that I have a double standard for myself. You see, I dont expect that anyone else be held accountable for my responsibilities. And I don't expect anyone to jump in and help on things that I have assigned to myself in other people's lives. And so when help arrives, I habitually turn it down, or deny that person of helping or assisting in how they have offered.
So, this week I tried to STOP helping in every situation of other people that I feel inclined to do. I support with love and encouragement, but that is all. Wow thats hard!
Will people actually still like me if I dont help them in their daily life tasks? I have found that actually yes they will. And certain people will find me less annoying, and less front and center in their business and their lives.
Do I feel guilty? Yep! I sure do. But I am talking myself through that. I am reflecting on what others do in my family and friends circle for others, and for me, and weighing out my non-contribution to these circumstances. I find that most people are not jumping in the middle of others' lives, assisting with every turn. And that it is really good for people to be independent and SOLO on many tasks in life.
I am also trying to accept help more often, and ask for help more often. Wow... not perfectly and not often, but little by little. I am terrible at asking my husband for help with financial or family matters. I just dont want his hard view in my business. I dont want his criticism, and I dont want any conflict. As a result, when things hit the fan, its usually when they have spiraled out of control because I have delayed the inevitable conflict for far too long. Still struggling with this. I don't want to bother other people, or seem weak to other people and so therefore I dont ask for help. I dont ask for emotional support or support in situations, unless I am absolutely desperate.
Ugh! This balance thing is really hard to find, and knowing what is healthy and what is not is also hard. Its really a lesson in boundaries.
