Getting Ready for Holidays with Uncertainty

The holidays bring about a lot of uneasy feelings for those of us in recovery. Whether its our past behavior or histories that give us apprehension about the events to come during the season, the feelings are there. 

For codependents, not only are we dealing with our history and our emotion but we are dealing with our desire to rescue others from their feelings and their hurt paths, and that can be draining.
So I am writing some food for thought as you embark on this season.

First, THINK OF YOURSELF. THINK OF YOUR SELF CARE and your DUTY TO SELF.
You can do this by writing down exactly what you would like to experience this holiday season. Define it for yourself. Write down 5 -10 things that you would like to do over the next 5 -6 weeks.
These can be events with family, inner personal experiences, events you experience alone. Write them down. Next, look at your calendar and put these events into your schedule, into your plan. If you have to rearrange your calendar, call up your friends or family - do it. Get it done, get it scheduled.

I had to go a step further, I had to also reflect on my feelings about how I want to make the holidays perfect for everyone else except me, and so I miss out on a lot of the fun and togetherness. I have to take my joy from what I see in others, and exhaust myself in the preparation and the delivery of the holiday events and hosting. So I decided to simplify. To do something completely simple for festivities, to dial down the giving and to focus truly on the togetherness. This was great for my self care. If others wanted things a certain way, I asked them to provide that. If they wanted a certain type of food, music or decoration, I asked them to work that out, being thankful for their idea and their contribution. 

Then, I had to let go. I have to let go of holidays in the past that have been painful or hurtful. I have to watch them dissipate into the night air, and I have to be ready for new holidays and new memories. I have to let go my control on the events, the get-togethers and just let them happen as they would without intervention. Let people behave how they do, let people feel how they do, let dinners taste how they do. And be good with whatever may be. 

This holiday season, give the gift of peace and calmness to yourself. Be thankful for your new life in the awareness of codependency and knowing that you do not have to control anything to have it be wonderful, or for others to be joyful and at peace.