Moment by Moment - Remembering the Surrender

In my reflection this week, I have been able to do a little better at remembering I am powerless, and rely fully on the power and strength of God.

I have been much more calm this week - and I am having a much easier time staying present in the day I have been given rather than worrying about what tomorrow brings.

I am struggling with the helping, giving, and assisting hiatus that I am on - because the book told me I needed to until I am in a healthier state of mind.

I am not sure where that begins... like with my children, husband, friends etc. 

So its another moment by moment thing.

What I know is that the actions that I take today - and my reactions today - will have an effect on my tomorrow.

If I remain calm, and remind myself that God is control - that will help my whole process today - and bring a better tomorrow.

I also remember that anytime I have been trying to hold onto control and fall into my survival patterns, I make bad choices and end up hurting myself and maybe even others. 

So

I remind myself that I am powerless

But God is in control, and he loves me!

And he wants what is best for me. 

And just like me, he loves my children, my family, my friends.

And he wants what is best for them too. 

Its not all up to me, to care for and worry about them.

God has it all under control if I would just let go.

I breathe in and I breathe out a few times.

And tell him THANK YOU. 

And then motion on in my world.

Sometimes we can work the Steps in "Clumps"

Last week we talked about where each of us in the 12 Steps, somewhere between Step 1 and Step 3.

We talked about how we can do the steps in clumps, rather than one at a time. And that we can revisit as step anytime.

I am always in a circle from Step one - admitting I am powerless, to remembering that God can restore and maintain my sanity, and then turning my life over to God.

I need to choose a designer for my life, and so far, under my design pattern, there are major problems and road blocks and detours.

I need to choose as my designer.

I need to know that the demons that I battle (or tangle with as the book says) are more powerful me, and I cannot handle them alone, successfully.

I must turn them over to God. I must admit I am powerless over each problem, worry, struggle as I face it, and turn it over to him.

I must remember to do this for today.

Today - I give my life and my will over to him.

Today - I cannot manage and so I leave it to him.

Today - I cannot handle the stress and so I leave the solutions to him to work out. 

Today - I struggle with finances, there are no new answers, and I give it him to work out.

Today  - I cannot bare the burden of my husband's actions or behaviors or word, I give him to God too. For me, I am worried about the health consequences of his actions. But I am powerless.

Tomorrow - maybe I will do different but for Today this is what I will do.

The activity on page 73 talks about coming up with a routine or ritual for this daily process in my life. 

Turning my life over to him, daily - for today.

I am still struggling with the question "what does it mean to take care of myself the best I can". So I am giving that to him too.

I hope that you are all doing well and that your week has been blessed. 

I pray that you are getting rest and that you are able to find the time to work the lessons slowly - and write in your journal, and think about how you are treating yourself.