When do I violate the Boundaries of Others?

When do I violate the boundaries of others? 

I used the example I had of always giving my son (who is 18) money when he asks, whether its for gas, outings, meals, shopping etc. Although he is still in high school and graduates this year, I have not respected the boundary of where I end and where he begins, and as a result have caused him harm by delaying his development of managing his own finances and spending habits.

Why did I do this? I compensate for something in me, and maybe in my relationship with him, when I act as his rescuer, even when he does not need it.

When someone in my life is having a crisis, or someone I know is having a run-in with addiction problems, I have a tendency to race in as the Saviour, the helper, the rescuer, even when it is not my place, even when they should be learning to pick up the pieces themselves. Or I try to be the volunteer of helping someone clean up their yard (the boundary metaphor) even when I have not been asked to do so, so that they will think I am valuable and worthy and will accept me.

The question was brought up - How do we know when we are acting healthy in our relationships and responsibilities to others and when we are enabling or violating boundaries? 

By working the steps, and beginning and continuing the focus on steps 1,2 & 3 in our daily lives we become more in tune with our intuition, our still small voice, our connection with our higher power. Our intuition and instincts will begin to speak to us and let us know when we are crossing over the line and doing something that we should not - crossing the boundaries of others or allowing others to cross our boundaries. 

How do we begin this change in our closest relationships? We talked about sitting down with  family, friends and most significant others and letting them know that " I am working on establishing healthy boundaries for myself, and I want to discuss that with you and how that may effect change in our relationship."  In relationships where there has been a lot of boundary violations, a contract may be necessary between you and someone else to state clearly and precisely for each party what to expect in the future. By writing it down, we have something to reflect back on, and we are not able to rationalize bad behavior either by us or others. 

It was also mentioned that "setting proper expectations" with family, friends and co-workers is always a good policy. This helps in knowing what you can expect, and what others can expect from you.

My reflection for the week:

My week was very difficult, and I had to surrender to my higher power about 20 different times as I walked through some hard things. But my week was joyful too. I found out that people in my life who I thought were weaker, or dependent on me,  were much stronger than I gave them credit for. I found out that I CAN rely on others, and that I myself am pretty strong too. 

I renewed my daily reminder of powerlessness, and relaxing into the path of my life, to stop resisting the hard change and the hard lessons and go willingly where the white rapid river takes me. 

I remembered that I am not alone even when I am sitting all by myself.